Vitruvian Ken INBETWEENLAND 20171202

It's been a long time since my last post.  Oh well.

I tuned in to NPR on my phone this morning, and on a program called "Tech Nation" hosted by some NPR woman who called herself a mathematician and an engineer, she was interviewing Walter Isaacson, author of "Leonardo da Vinci" - a book I had already heard about from Dr. Joseph Pruitt.

I am tempted to buy the book, for me, for George Makrides, for my kids, for my grandkids, for David.

But no.  I will not read it, I think.  I have so MANY unread books.

*sigh*

I'm neither INSIDE the box, nor OUTSIDE the box.  I don't fit anywhere.  But why must I "fit" somewhere??????

I need not.  I can float here in INBETWEENLAND.

Walter Isaacson describes Leonardo da Vinci as a misfit, who was insanely curious.  I thought as I heard that that I too, used to be curious, and that someone in my childhood must have stomped it out at an early age.  Perhaps, perhaps not.

Perhaps I was just naturally never THAT curious.

I recall talking to people my age when I was in high school.  Girls I met (and pseudo-dated) would say things like "I never knew boys thought of those things."

So...... so what.

Isaacson says I should be writing pen on paper, rather than typing here.  But I have too much paper in my life already.  So I'm going to type here.

I think George Makrides is a modern-day Leonardo da Vinci, in that he loves to draw shapes and color them, or leave them black/white..... but he's an artist.  I don't know what he was like pre-fibromyalgia, but now, he's a creative, da Vinci type person.

I wish people around him would let him live more fully.

and then there's the David Deal.

What I thought this morning was that I must move on with my life, in ways that I would move on with or without the David Deal in my life.

I do not understand WHY this deal has not moved ahead.  It's one of the most frustrating things I've EVER experienced.

I've destribed it all in other posts.  So I won't detail it again here.  But it's WHAT I WANT, at 67 years of age.  It's WHAT I NEED now in my life.

It has been as good a PROMISED to me for 3+ years.  ANd STILL...............nothing.

I tease (?) myself by saying

damn, I lost that thought.

Well, I don't want to lie here in bed, typing all day.

Time for breakfast, and I need to use up some edgy pineapple anyway.

o&o

20170609 SAN CLEMENTE EARLY MORNING THOUGHTS

I better write right now before I lose the _____ to write.

I had a rough & long day Thursday, but it wasn't ALL bad.  David texted that the David Deal money would begin LAST NIGHT (I'm not sure it DID, but that was pretty cool).  He also said that the BIG part of the money (GOCH) would begin on Monday, and that by the end of June, they (he and the 2 Michaels, I suppose) would be giving me a contract signing bonus.

Of course, since they've never yet been that specific, I took the bait emotionally, and began to allow myself to think about being "rich" - or whatever adjective I might use to describe this possible (it hasn't actually happened yet) new status.

I'm anticipating difficult separation issues with Dr. Pruitt.  But that will come almost as a welcome event.

I told George Makrides (now in Cyprus) about it, adding that I'm not allowing myself to be TOO excited.

BECAUSE, DAMMIT, IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET!!!!

I have no new David Deal money in my account.  Yet.

The Mauduits (Marie, Philippe, Jean-Christophe) are in state, and arrive in Los Angeles tomorrow (6/10).  I'd hoped to be able to entertain them properly with 2 elaborate dinners (1 in Hollywood, possibly including Dr. Pruitt, and 1 in San Clemente with Lisa & brood), but that would run me hundreds of dollars, maybe even $1,000.  I'd gladly do it..... IF David's Deal were absolute.

I hinted to David that this situation was nearing, and that I'd like to know if I could count on the DD (David's Deal) happening, so I could either spend, or NOT spend.

But as he typically does, he ignored my comment.

I'd really like to know how sure HE is.  Maybe he's  moving forward with something that he hasn't done thus far.... some sort of financial "investment" or spending.

Anyway, here I am with the grandkids (Lisa's), and I'm going to have a great day!  I'm also looking forward to talking to Lisa about her house (it's being rebuilt inside due to their recent flood), her kids (of course), her yoga, and the developing fued among Teresa's family over the pending sale of Kent & Elaine's house & other property.  Kent is 90? and might move to a home soon. It'll be interesting to compare it to my own experience as executor of Mom & Dad's estate.

Dad's birthday & Father's Day are coming up.  I'll explore my feelings about him some more.

HELP!!  I need to move forward.  I'm ready.

LET'S HOPE THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20170319 A CHRONOLOGY OF BELIEFS & HONESTY

Today, as I woke up, in part listening to the Infants on Thrones recent podcast about the FIRST VISION of Joseph Smith, and the controversy that surrounds it, and the controversy that surrounds the TELLING of it, I was led to reflect on how it affected me back in the early to mid-80s when I lived in Salt Lake.

I note now that I'm being VERY CAREFUL in my selection of words, because I have for many years desired to be both honest and accurate about what I write, and about what happened to me.

Definition:  "BELIEF" includes both BELIEF and DISBELIEF.
Definition:  "HONESTY" includes both HONESTY and DISHONESTY

And I now acknowledge that these two "ends" of spectrums do not depict the whole story.... nor can they depict the process through which I have gone during my life.  No, I look back and realize that I went through various degrees and various patters of both BELIEF and HONESTY.

A purist might say it's "either-or" but I do not.  I freely acknowledge that the process was murky, and that it took (or rather "I" took) years to complete....... IF you can call where I am now as "COMPLETE."

So, the chronology, along with the varying degrees of BELIEF and HONESTY, as I recall it today, is:

AGE  YEAR   RESIDENCE                EDUCATION            BELIEF            HONESTY

0-4     50-54     Potomac, MD               "home schooled"      do not recall      do not recall      
*********


Can't do this here; I made a Google spreadsheet for it with the same title.

20170206 - AFFIRMATIONS RESUMED - DAY 1

Here I go - again.  At least for today.

ROUTINE AFFIRMATIONS, REVISED (20161124, 20161215, 20170206)

I.  MEDITATION
1.  I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
2.  I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
3.  I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
4.  I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
5.  I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
6.  I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
7.  I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
8.  I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.

II.  OTHERS
9.  I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
10.  I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
11.  I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
12.  I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.

III.  EXERCISE and DIET
13.  I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
14.  I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.

IV.  SUMMARY
15.  I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.

****************

I.  MEDITATION
1.  I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.

1. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
2. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
3. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
4. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
5. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
6. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
7. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
8. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
9. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.
10. I, Ken Taylor, am an important part of the Universe.

2.  I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.

1. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
2. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
3. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
4. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
5. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
6. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
7. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
8. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
9. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.
10. I, Ken Taylor, communicate daily with all the important parts of the Universe.

3.  I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.

1. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
2. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
3. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
4. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
5. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
6. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
7. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
8. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
9. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.
10. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving human being.

4.  I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.

1. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
2. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
3. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
4. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
5. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
6. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
7. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
8. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
9. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.
10. I, Ken Taylor, physically heal myself.

5.  I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.

1. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
2. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
3. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
4. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
5. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
6. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
7. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
8. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
9. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.
10. I, Ken Taylor, am physically healthy and well.

6.  I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.

1. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
2. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
3. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
4. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
5. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
6. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
7. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
8. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
9. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.
10. I, Ken Taylor, attract wealth TODAY.

7.  I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.

1. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
2. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
3. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
4. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
5. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
6. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
7. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
8. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
9. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.
10. I, Ken Taylor, manage my money well.

8.  I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.

1. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.
2. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.
3. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.
4. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.
5. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.
6. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.
7. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.
8. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.
9. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.
10. I, Ken Taylor, am happy, peaceful and joyous.

II.  OTHERS
9.  I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.

1. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
2. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
3. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
4. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
5. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
6. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
7. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
8. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
9. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.
10. I, Ken Taylor, heal my relationships with my family and friends.

10.  I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.

1. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
2. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
3. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
4. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
5. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
6. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
7. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
8. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
9. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.
10. I, Ken Taylor, connect spiritually with my family and friends.

11.  I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.

1. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
2. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
3. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
4. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
5. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
6. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
7. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
8. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
9. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.
10. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal father and grandfather.

12.  I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.

1. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.
2. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.
3. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.
4. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.
5. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.
6. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.
7. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.
8. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.
9. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.
10. I, Ken Taylor, am a loving, good and loyal friend to my close friends.

III.  EXERCISE and DIET
13.  I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.

1. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
2. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
3. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
4. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
5. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
6. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
7. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
8. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
9. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercise.
10. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through daily exercsie.
11. 
    

14.  I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.

1. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.
2. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.
3. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.
4. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.
5. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.
6. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.
7. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.
8. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.
9. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.
10. I, Ken Taylor, maintain my good health through eating healthy foods.

IV.  SUMMARY
15.  I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.

1. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.
2. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.
3. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.
4. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.
5. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.
6. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.
7. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.
8. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.
9. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.
10. I, Ken Taylor, improve my life through daily affirmations.

20170120 MEDICAL NOTES, CONTINUED

Early this morning (here at Lisa's house in San Clemente), I noticed a very small part of my upper lip that was again "swollen & numb," but it eventually subsided.

This evening, I was earlier plagued by itchiness in my hands and feet.  I used the cortisone (?) creme on hands and feet, and that seems to have been effective.  My upper back, however, continued to be itchy, and I did not apply the creme there.

Add to this frustration, the frustration about David's Deal - he texted yesterday that we'd talk today, "no matter what."  Here it is 9:15 pm my time, 10:15 pm his time, and he has still not called.

What am I supposed to do???????????????????????????????????????

*sigh*

20170119 MEDICAL RECORD LAST FEW DAYS

MEDICAL RECORD

Due to itchiness & other possible side effects, I'm keeping a record of what's gone on for me medically:

Monday, 1/16/17:  Doctor (actually, NURSE - Laura Ward at Kaiser Permanente) visit re beginning PrEP preventive med regime
The nurse asked if I'd had my flu shot - she looked up the record, and it showed November 2015 as the last time I got a flu shot.  So she asked me if I'd want it today, and I said yes.
She also recommended MENINGITIS vaccine, which I also agreed to.

Tuesday, 1/17/17:  Noticed swelling/numbness in UPPER LIP only, and some mild ichiness where I'd received the shot.  I'm now not sure which shot went in which arm - but the LEFT arm was the most ichy and painful.
That night, I took the first Truvada (PrEP) pill.

Wednesday, 1/18/17:  Morning - noticed swelling in LOWER LIP (no longer Upper Lip).  Also, a swelling on once side of penis.  No pain, no discoloration.  AND.... itchiness in feet and hands.
That night, I took the second Truvada (PrEP) pill.
MAJOR ICHINESS on upper back & arms, some in feet & hands.

Thursday, 1/19/17:  Morning - MAJOR ICHINESS in hands, specifically between fingers.  Swelling in penis has disappeared.  Not much ichiness in feet.
Left arm is sore.  Ichiness in back is gone.

SINUS note:  Since my illness in SLC during Christmas trip there, I've had residual coughing, mostly at night.  It's SUCH a frustration since I don't know the cause.  Allergy?  Chronic sinisitis?  And why only at night?  I can't lie flat or even close to flat without coughing, which keeps me awake.  Yesterday I "lost it" with all the coughing & sinus draining.  I beat my chest and screamed "HEAL!!" to myself as I drove home.  Will this ever end?????  I don't want to live my life coughing every few minutes.  AND, the coughs seem to come "just when" I want to hear something important.  That might be an over-reaction but I've been noticing it.  VERY frustrating!!


AND NOW .... (at 9am) ---  I'm going crazy with ITCHINESS in hands & feet, AND, my tongue is swollen/numb around the edges.

WHAT IS GOING ON?????????????????

20170117 TWO THINGS HAPPENED TODAY

I was off, so I did errands.

Based on friendship with Barrent P, and on advice of Dr. Pruitt, I decided to start taking PrEP (HIV preventive medication program).

And, based on silence from David T, I have given up on the deal happening - I did this officially on Friday, January 13.  HA!  And so today, I began the process of taking 401K money out to pay down my credit card bills.  Then I'll apply for a refi.

*sigh*

This is so depressing.

20170115 THE IDES OF JANUARY - I GIVE UP

On Friday, January 13, I gave up.

Today, 2 days later, I'm not meditating, I'm not exercising, and not writing.

I.  GIVE.  UP.