WRITING IS THERAPEUTIC. WAITING SUCKS.

20131028

If this post becomes a draft, and I don't complete it for 1 or more days, it'll be labeled with the date on which I actually publish it.  So, at least with the date inserted above, I'll know when I first wrote the draft.

So, I woke up depressed again today, and it was because I'm not working, PLUS I haven't heard from David T (my prospective employer), nor have I heard from Jonathan Weedman (WFB rep who promises to at least meet with Andy S and me to discuss possible donations from WFB).

Why must I wait forever?  (OK, "so long" is more accurate.)  But WHY?  It seems that the rest of the world functions at a more normal pace.

I had to wait at almost ever level of my job, I waited for Teresa do decide to marry me (she only took 6 years).  I wait for Joe & Lisa to contact me (although Joe isn't as bad - he does keep in touch).

"If you can wait, and not be tired by waiting."  Thanks Kipling.  But WTF??  If waiting MAKES me TIRED...... I can't pretend that it doesn't.

If one pretends to "be" something long enough, does he become that thing?  I.e., patient.

Patience is a virtue?  Waiting still sucks.

Plus.... if so many people postpone contacting me, it HAS to mean that a)  the other aspects of their lives are more important to them, or b)  they are intentionally ignoring me.  What else could it be?

Back when I was an active LDS person, I taught the Aaronic Priesthood class, and I tried to be creative about it.  I wanted to do a special lesson about XXX (I can't recall what it was), and it involved having the Bishop present to discuss a particular subject.  I invited him to come, and he said he would, but he kept postponing his visit.  That disrupted my lesson plans.  One week he said he'd be there, but didn't show up again.  So I improvised.  Later, I talked to his Counsellor, who sort of blew up at me for my continued "nagging" him - he said "You've been on my back about that for weeks!"  He told me to just do my lessons as normal, and wait until the Bishop got there.  I replied that I HAD done exactly that, but I just wanted to know if/when the Bishop would show up, so I could be ready.  I mentioned that I'd improvised when he didn't show up.  "Yeah, you made one up," he sneered.  That was hurtful.

My point here is, I didn't think I should have had to wait and wait and wait to even FIND OUT if the Bishop was going to come.  Let alone, wait and wait and wait for him to be there.

So, FF to today:  I'm waiting again.

I'm purposfully NOT seeing employment.  I'm waiting for David T to call me.  It could be months and months from now.

But I guess I've waited all my life, so what else is new?

LTD:

It's 8:40AM.  Still waiting.