*******************************************************
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
How is life different for today’s young gay Mormons than it was for me 40 years ago?
Today’s LDS Church is not the LDS Church I grew up in. Today’s gay-aware world is certainly not the myopic straight world I grew up in.
In my growing up years, a Mormon did everything possible to distinguish himself from any other form of Christian. After all, Catholic and Protestant Churches were all apostate! Today, the church desperately wants to be thought of as a branch of the very Christianity they used to condescendingly disregard. It’s no wonder that those of us from those days who have left it end up atheists or at least unaffiliated without any specific religion.
As a young man grappling with homosexuality there was no such thing as an out gay Mormon. Gay wasn’t a noun. It was only considered an endurable, sinful verb. Today, there is a small but vocal segment of Mormon allies and even gay Mormons who accept homosexuality as an unchangeable state and yet find the capacity to struggle and contort themselves to stay LDS. I still can’t fathom operating the required mental and emotional gymnastics to accomplish that, but it is undeniably a thing now.
In the past, my LDS Mom and wife took on leadership roles without any real freedom or power to manage objectives and staffing. They were merely operation coordinators. Programs and processes were directives from the males above and local decisions required male approval thus effectively rendering their own decisions mute. I haven’t heard of any substantive changes in this regard but
As a teen, I’d never seen a homosexual portrayed on TV or in the movies. I’d heard that the 70’s sitcom Soap had a gay character, but we weren’t allowed to watch that show. Homosexuality was never discussed in my home or in church. In fact, I didn’t even know what the words “gay” or “homosexual” actually referred to until I was in the 5th or 6th grade. When I did learn what it meant, I suddenly had a name for how I felt and it still felt very “bad”, very foreign and very unfathomable. I just shamefully sensed that I was all that, and that my safety and the cure lied in the church.
It didn’t.
Today, a young preteen gay boy or girl has a rich source of gay themed media, gay Mormon blogs, gay ex-Mormon blogs or videos, and just plain gays in the media out and proud, not addicted to drugs and not living in a van down by the river!
Then there’s Mama Dragons.
These women are everything I dreamed my mother would have been. My own mother died before I came out. But had I any idea there were LDS women like Mama Dragons out there when I was a teen, I think I would have felt safe enough to come out earlier and thus prevent a whole slew of pain that later revealed itself on loved ones such as my ex-wife and kids. If you are one of our gay youth or the parent of one, talk to a Mama Dragon (You can e-mail them here: mamadragonstoryproject@gmail.com). I’ve met a couple of them in person and even as a 50 year old man, my soul is refreshed and I feel love from those women. These are people with a moral compass that elevates everyone they interact with. This is what love is.
There was a movement a few years ago called, “It Gets Better”. I’m here to testify that is IS better. It’s better today even while religious leaders still cling tight to archaic bronze age opinions. The world, American society and some in the LDS fringe community are better today than they were 40 years ago..
You CAN do this, in or out of Mormonism.
See Also:
**********************************************************
Here're my EDITING EFFORTS:
**********************************************************
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
How is life different for today’s young gay Mormons than from what it was for me 40 years ago?
BETTER: How is life for today's young gay Mormons different from what it was for me 40 years ago? ADD: (Mormon = LDS = Latter-day Saint)
Today’s LDS Church is not the LDS Church I grew up in. Today’s gay-aware world is certainly not the myopic straight world I grew up in.
BETTER: It's no wonder that so many of us from those earlier days who have left Mormonism have ended up without any specific religion, or even atheists.
As a teen, I’d never seen a homosexual portrayed on TV or in the movies. I’d heard that the 70’s sitcom Soap had a gay character, but we weren’t allowed to watch that show. Homosexuality was never discussed in my home or in church. In fact, I didn’t even know what the words “gay” or “homosexual” actually referred to until I was in the 5th or 6th grade. When I did learn what it they meant, I suddenly had a name for how I felt and it still felt very “bad”, very foreign and very unfathomable. I just shamefully sensed that I was all that, and that my safety and the cure lied in the church.
BETTER: When I did learn what they meant, I suddenly had a name for how I felt. And I STILL felt very bad. These words felt very foreign to me, and I couldn't imagine that they really applied to me. I felt ashamed to think they described me. And most important of all, I naively thought that my safety and the cure lay within the Church.
Today, a young preteen gay boy or girl of any religion has a rich source of gay themed media, gay Mormon blogs, gay ex-Mormon blogs, or Youtube videos, and just plain gays in the media, out and proud, not addicted to drugs and not living in a van down by the river!
Then there’s there are the Mama Dragons.
These women are everything I dreamed my mother would have been. My own mother Mom died before I came out as gay. But had I any idea there were LDS women like Mama Dragons out there when I was a teen, I think I would have felt safe enough to come out earlier, and thus prevent a whole slew of pain that later revealed itself on loved ones such as my ex-wife and kids. If you are one of our gay youth, or the parent of one, please, please talk to a Mama Dragon (You can e-mail them here: mamadragonstoryproject@gmail.com). I’ve met a couple of them in person and even as a 50 year old man, my soul is refreshed and I feel love from those these women. These They are people with a moral compass that elevates everyone they interact with. This is what real love is.
There was a movement a few years ago called, “It Gets Better.” I’m here to testify that is IS better. It’s better today, even while religious leaders still cling tight to archaic bronze age Stone Age opinions. The world, American society and some in the LDS fringe community are better today than they were 40 years ago..
You CAN do this, in or out of Mormonism.
See Also:
*****************************
And here's my "final version" as I would want it written:
******************************
BEING GAY & MORMON - THEN AND NOW
How is life for today's young gay Mormons different from what it was for me 50 years ago?
Today, the LDS Church is not the LDS Church I grew up in. And today’s gay-aware world is certainly not the myopic straight world I grew up in.
When I was young, we Mormons did everything possible to distinguish ourselves from any other Christian. After all, Mormonism taught (and still teaches) that Catholic and Protestant Churches are apostate! But today, the LDS Church desperately wants to be thought of as a branch of the very Christianity they used to condescendingly disregard. It's no wonder that so many of us from those earlier days who have left Mormonism have ended up without any specific religion, or even atheists.
When I was a young man grappling with homosexuality, there was no such thing as an "out gay Mormon." "Gay" wasn’t a noun. It was only considered an endurable, sinful adjective. Amazingly, there exists today a small but vocal segment of Mormon gays and Mormon allies who accept homosexuality as unchangeable. And yet they somehow find the capacity to struggle and contort themselves to stay in the Church! I simply cannot fathom performing the required mental and emotional gymnastics to accomplish that, but it is undeniably a thing now.
As active, believing Mormons, both my Mom and my ex-wife took on leadership roles without any real freedom or power to manage objectives and staffing. They were merely operation coordinators. Programs and processes were directives from the Priesthood males in power above them, and local decisions required male approval, thus effectively rendering their own decisions mute. I haven’t heard of any substantive changes in this regard but at least now women can offer prayers in General Conference.
As a teen, I never (knowingly) saw a homosexual portrayed on TV or in the movies. Homosexuality was never discussed in my parents' home, or at church. I knew the words "homo" and "queer" from school friends, but I had no clear understanding of what they really meant until I was much older. In my 20s, I watched with great interest the 70s sitcom "Soap." It had a gay character, and he was openly referred to as "gay." I so appreciated seeing the show, and I watched it religiously. But always from the safety of my "gay closet."
These words gave me a name for how I felt. But I STILL felt very bad. The words felt very foreign to me, and I couldn't imagine that they really applied to me. I felt ashamed to think they described me. And I thought that if I ever referred to myself as "homo" or "gay," it might somehow serve to make me even more "that way" than I already was. So I tried very hard not to even think of the words.
And most important of all, I naively thought that my safety and my "cure" lay within the Church.
They didn’t.
Today, a young preteen gay boy or girl of any religion has a rich source of gay-themed media, gay Mormon blogs, gay ex-Mormon blogs, or Youtube videos, and just plain gays in the media, who are out and proud, not addicted to drugs and not living in a van down by the river!
Then there are the Mama Dragons.
These women are everything I dreamed my mother might have been. My Mom died shortly after I came out as gay. But had I any idea there were LDS women like Mama Dragons out there when I was a teen, I think I would have felt safe enough to come out earlier. It would have prevented a TON of pain that later took its toll on the people I loved most: my ex-wife and kids. If you are a gay Mormon youth, or the parent of one, please, please talk to a Mama Dragon . You can e-mail them at: mamadragonstoryproject@gmail.com. They are loving Mormon mothers who are also FIERCELY protective of their gay kids. They are people with a moral compass that elevates everyone they interact with. This is what real love is.
There was a movement a few years ago called “It Gets Better.” I’m here to testify that it IS better. It’s better today, even while religious leaders still cling tight to Stone Age opinions. The world, our American society and some in the LDS fringe community are better today than they were 50, 40..... even 10 years ago..
You CAN do this, inside or outside of Mormonism.
No comments:
Post a Comment