I have decided to conclude, wrongly or rightly, that I will never achieve my dream of becoming someone better than I've been my whole life.
The universe is not accommodating me with a $$$ call from David. I don't relish continuing the cycle I've been following for the last 3+ years, during which I've cycled from near despair to high hopes.
Earlier today, when Lyla and Eli were at school, and Caleb was sleeping, I let go of the dream.
And I will NOT be contacting David for updates any more.
I felt some relief as I did this. But I still feel inferior, sad, depressed, and alone with my flawed, defective, miserable self.
Others (including my children and George) have not seen this side of me. Perhaps now they will.
*sigh*
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