4th Post - MY CREATOR GOD (MCG)

Last night, I watched TV downstairs.  Time Warner was still bickering with CBS, so I couldn't watch 60 Minutes, and tonight I'll miss "Under the Dome" again.  Thanks a LOT, TW!  I should ask for a refund.

But I switched channels to 47, Comedy Channel, and watched a few episodes of Futurama.  I've never really focused on that show, but last night I got to know a few of the characters.  At one point, they discovered a parallel universe, which all boiled down to flipping coins.  Arbitrary decision making.  I'm not sure if it was the same episode, but one of them went off to another galaxy and apparently it was where God lived.

Well, the interaction between the character and God was memorable, in that he asked God who he was, what he was, where he was, etc.  For the purpose of the show, I suppose, he was able to talk to God, but not see him.  When he asked a question like "What are you?" God would answer with another question (or some such).... IOW, God was evasive.  If he asked "Are you XXXXX" God would answer "That could be" or "I might be" or "That's a good idea" --- etc.

Frustrating to me.  I've been in a one-way conversation with my creator/God (MCG) for years.  If MCG is listening, he/she/it (HSI) isn't bothering to reply directly or clearly to me.

Frustrating.  I'm 60+ now, and I can't expect to live more than about another 30 years (I choose 30, given my fairly good health, the usual older-age medical problems that might set in, continuing advances in modern medicine, the risks I take driving and elsewhere).

During those (possible) 30 years remaining, I'd REALLY like to know why I'm here on this planet.

IF I could know that, I'd be better able to proceed down a path that is productive and meaningful.  But I don't consciously know that.

The prospect of asking for another 30 years the same question, and not getting any kind of real answer seems wasteful, and bleak, and uninteresting.

WHY didn't I just go down a path?  WHY DON'T I go down one now?  I keep my current perspective at the expense of doing something.

My lament:  I never got enough of a "bug" about anything to intensively pursue it.

Poor me.  Well, I keep waking up, day after day, and I realize that I'm one day older, one day closer to a transition to something else (or to nothing?).  I'm not an atheist.

One day, my then LDS missionary companion expounded on an idea he was taught by someone else.  It was basically that whatEVER we believe during this life, that's what will "be" in the next life.  So, if a Catholic believed H/S would go to heaven and be an angel with a harp, then that's what would happen.  If H/S believed that H/S would go to hell and burn, that's what would happen.

So, IF that were true, then an atheist would dissolve into nothing when H/S dies.  And a TBM would go to one of 3 heavens.

ETC, ETC, ETC.

Interesting idea.  But I have no way of knowing that, either.

*sigh*

In "The Thornbirds" a woman asks a Catholic priest if he ever had any indication that God existed, and he answers simply, "No."  When I read that, I asked myself ... how it could be that a PRIEST would not ever have any convincing experience that God existed, and still continue being a priest???

At least "I" don't do that.  When I realized there was a doubt and a question about God, I "backed up" until I got to a place where I am comfortable with my personal honesty.  I know I'm alive, that I wake up from sleep/death every day, and things seem to be relatively the same.

So I begin each day with a meditation/prayer to MCG, and I ask H/H/I why I'm here on this planet at this time/dimension.

And so far, I don't get an answer that I can honestly say is an actual answer from MCG.

Who else can I turn to?