So today, at 3:30 or so in the morning, I woke up and wondered about MCG (My Creator God) again, with nothing but unanswered questions. On the radio, Coast2Coast host George Noory was talking with a Brit (don't know his name, but remember his accent) who was explaining about his experiences with UFOs.
So, are they real? I'd like to know. What I DO know is that not one supernatural or alien entity has ever made itself known to me - as far as I am consciously aware.
That of course leaves open the possibility that aliens have abducted me, but made sure that I don't have any recollection of it, or evidence of it.
Memory. Like so many aspects of my life, it's very good, and very bad, all at the same time. What does that mean? I don't know.
Likely it is that many would reply something like "Everybody has that." Well, that may be. But then I follow up the thought with "I wonder to what degree my memory is bad (or good), in comparison to others' memories."
*sigh*
The sky outside is more colorful today. White clouds are floating by, some made goldenish by the sun, others still in shadows and appear cold gray, and both cloud colors appear in the same part of the sky. There is some aqua blue sky near the horizon, while some brighter, purer blue is the backdrop for the higher, goldenish clouds.
I've looked at clouds from this side mostly, and they are only visible on certain days. Today is one of those days. Usually at this time of morning (6:30) the sky appears uniformly light gray here in Winnetka, CA. So today, my mood is a bit lighter.
But I'm still struggling over the fact that I'm struggling. About that guy from Oracle. I answered his questions honestly, and that will likely kill any deal for me at Oracle. It's probably my way of saying "no" - in spite of the fact that I have a hard time saying "no" to anyone who is ever interested in associating with me. I said yes to DKM, to Guide Technologies, to Barry Weihmiller (sp?), and now to Oracle. Of course, they all said "no" to me later on.
But why, I ask myself today, didn't I evaluate the company, the people, the position..... and then decide for myself if I was suited to it? if I even WANTED it?
Answer: because I'm a guy who can't say "no." To almost anyone, or any opportunity. My "nature" (whether natural or developed - that's another question) is to take the opportunity when it comes to me. Almost whatEVER it might be.
I'm subconsciously imagining that the "cosmos" provided it, and I'd be stupid to pass it up. So I "go for it" as best I can. Until this time.
I AM going for it, but I'm doing so ..... HONESTLY. I'm saying, "Here I am, 100% honest Ken. I'm gay, I'm 63, I have a less than stellar sales performance history, and on that basis, do you still want me?" I'm also saying, "I'm somewhat experienced in XXXX (in the case of Oracle, PLM), I'm intelligent, I can learn the ropes quickly, I'm well-spoken."
But before that, I don't think I want to go back to corporate America. I want to work with the museum, and with Timpson Medical.
My guess is, Oracle will not want to even interview me. If they do, I'll agree to meet. But I WILL..... NOT.....LIE......TO......THEM. PERIOD. And by "lie" I mean stretch the truth about my work experience.
If they are really interested (and who knows? they might even read this)..... they'll accept me for who I am.
Writing the above made me feel a bit better. Going to have some waffles for breakfast now. With blueberries. :)
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