ROUTINE

This morning, I'm lying in bed with a sore knee (although today it feels minimally better).  As my knee improves gradually, I'm led to think more about how I spend my day(s).

I could continue my routine, which has generally been as follows:

1.  Meditation/prayer to MCG
2.  Breathing to improve spirit, mind and body
3.  Squeezing testicles 63+ times
4.  Inversion Stretching - CANNOT be done while my knee heals.
5.  Sit-ups & push-ups
6.  Loren Johnson's yoga routine - CANNOT put stress on knees or bend them in yoga poses.

This is depressing.

Also, I'm depressed about my career (what else is new?).  I have a job of sorts with David Timpson, but it has yet to become a real job.  Oracle left me wondering for 2 weeks, and then called to say an interview is unlikely, since I had some "stiff competition" with more recent experience.  I'm torn about Oracle (or other such opportunities) since it would mean going back to sales & software, which I'd wanted to leave behind me.  But if I could have the right situation in that field (i.e., enough money & the right job & the right people), I'd go back temporarily.

And then my age is depressing, too.  What can I do (if Timpson doesn't come through)?  I'm at a loss to know.

Healing (i.e., my knee) is a slow process.  That's frustrating, and yet I'm glad for the slowness in some ways.  It allows me to be less stressed, and it allows me to observe more incremental improvements.

I'm imagining someone lying on a hospital bed with long-term injuries (or illness or disease), and figuring out how to handle the healing process both physically and mentally.

*sigh*

Well, things very well could take a significantly different turn within the next few weeks.

Meanwhile, I'm staying low key (?) and allowing my knee to heal, while I'm processing other issues (financial, food, computer, radio, reading..... and other stuff I don't recall right now).

I'm not sure if writing the above was therapeutic.  Also, apparently, no one else is reading my posts.  Not even me.

LTD (but only about an hour later)

I feel like such a big fucking failure.  I never went beyond a BA/BS, never reached a personal educational or career goal.

And my right knee hurts.  I thought it might be getting better, but today the pain is a bit more intense, and it seems like there's related pain in my entire right leg.  I can feel something (not sure what) in my hip, my thigh (bone?), my upper shin, and my foot.

Does pain caused from one source "move around?"  I've noticed upper arm pains, which disappeared as I continued to exercise.  But I'm not so sure that that's what caused them to go away.

I took 2 Advil (for swelling) at 8:30 AM (need to wait 4 hours before taking any more).  I want to use ice, but then I wouldn't be sure if the pain was affected (reduced) by the Advil or the ice.

Life is hard.