SUNDAY MORNING

I'm going back to yesterday's post, to record the dream I had the night before.

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Dream recorded.  I thought as I recorded it what someone might think if s/he read it.  Perhaps someone could interpret it.

My own interpretation:  My life is full of fear, including people finding out that I'm broke.  Fear that I'll lose the basics of my life (shelter & food & good health).

But what baffles me is why would I have this dream, which might or might not signify what I wrote above, and then not have some resolve to change things.  Why doesn't this (or any other such message) STICK with me?  Why do I keep wondering what it means, or IF it means what I think?  (as opposed to letting it MEAN SOMETHING... and then acting on it.)

WHY must I be so damn analytical?

I can imagine MCG, or even others reflecting back & saying, "Why didn't you simply let it be X or Y or Z?"

This really does seem like a waste, and I'm led to think, as I often do, that I'm here as a "place holder" - a connection between generations, and nothing more.

We shall see.  Perhaps.  Some day.  If I'm lucky enough to be able to reflect with MCG or others.... on my life.

I DO wish it could be before I leave the planet.  So that I might be able to do something more meaningful.  Why do I wish that?  Because my life seems otherwise fairly pointless.

OF COURSE, I can point to meaningful "points" about my life right now.  So it's not completely pointless.  But it's relatively pointless - to me.

Count my blessings?  OK

Joe & his family
Lisa & her family
The opportunity of being around them as often as I like
Shelter, food, clothing, reasonably good health  (can you count as a "blessing" the absence of some catastrophic event which would remove all or part of the blessing?  My answer:  yes.)

BTW, the "reasonably good health" is changing.  I'm partly to blame, and genetics and age are the other parts.  I'm no longer exercising (mainly due to my bad right knee, but it's also laziness and depression).  That has consequence on my mental health, which is currently colored by depression, further exacerbated by my bad right knee and other physical ailments (i.e., joint pains, mysterious lumps in my skin).

Come to think of it, my ailments are not all that bad, when compared to many others my age, and of course, those who have other major more serious physical (and therefore mental) challenges (illness, disease, injuries, etc.)

As always, I'm then led to conclude that I have what "I" have.  Not what someone else has.  So I have to meet the challenges of MY life (or.... NOT meet them, due to laziness & depression).

OK, now what?  Now that I've AGAIN established that I'm in pretty much the same soup I've always been in.  Now WHAT?  Will I wait until some outside force acts to further limit me?  OR will I act now and strive to ward off any such force?  Will it really make a difference?

Is life REALLY about the journey, and not the destination?  REALLY???  Can someone please ACT on my behalf, and give me some clues?  or nudges?  or actual messages?  PLEASE?????

*sigh*