20161204 SUNDAY MORNING WRITINGS

Depression, big time.

I went to the party, and my home-made magic wand was "trumped" by Scott Osmond's store-bought rainbow wand.  "I WIN" he said again and again when he looked at my foil-wrapped wand.

Oh well.  That sucked, but oh well.

So I spent most of the time sitting alone & eating & drinking wine.

And I left early (9:30) and went home to sulk.

MAN, I wish my life had been more ........... something.

Here's a thought:  Life spectrum:  dumber people think I'm smart, and smarter people think I'm dumb.
Same with looks:  Handsome people ignore me, and uglier people adore me.

I suppose I'm guilty of doing the same.

And THEN............ my dream last night was so very strange, disappointing, and ..... SOMEthing.

The motel I thought would rent to me the room NEXT to the grandkids, would not.  They were highly suspicious that I was a lone person renting a room, and so simply said "no" - and I was so frustrated.  So I rode some motorized bicycle down the highway to look for another place, and saw a "TravelLodge"  sign, but no..... they didn't have any rooms - it was not a motel - it was a golf course.  Go figure.  So I headed on down the road.  And then I woke up.

WTF?????????????  What's going on with me????????????????

I give up, at least for today.  No routine, no exercise, no affirmations.



Jeeze.

Prostate therapy again.

Now what??

More TV, Netflix - BLACK MIRROR,  Doc on Tab Hunter, now "ORIENTED" - doc Arab gay guys.

I wished earlier that the ideas I have while NOT here writing would somehow become present for me when I AM here writing.  Maybe they will some day.

Bur for now, I'll record the thoughts I have.  I hope no one ever reads this.  I'm sure I have much more writing talent than is evident here.

Mr. Whitman (10th Grade English teacher in Montreal):  "What do you care what other people think??

Same idea just presented in this Arab gay doc:  Girl says to gay guy, "What the fuck do you care what other people think?"

I have cared, all my life.  My response to Mr. Whitman, for years and years, was, "It's a good thing I care about what you think.  And what my family thinks.  And what God thinks."

And I left it at that.

I still have not internalized the message of "I should NOT care what other people think."

Still.

*sigh*

The Arab gay guy in the doc has written a coming out letter to his parents.  Made me wonder what would have happened if I had written such a letter to my parents.

And, I now wonder if I should write one now.

In the Arab doc, someone was at a protest rally, carrying a sign "Jews and Arabs refuse to be enemies."

I'm not there, but I LOVE that sentiment.  I don't think we have to have "status quo" when things could be better with the right kind of change.