20161223 FRIDAY D DAY?

Well, I've tossed and turned, except when I was asleep last night.

All is NOT well.

I lied.

And typing this, I fear, might somehow "excuse" the lie.  But there is no excuse for a blatant lie.

I lied to Joe Pruitt about his 21" iMac.  I tried for several days to fix it (it won't reboot normally).  So yesterday, when I was trying to fix it before I left for Christmas time off, I did all that the Apple rep told me to do.  But I came down to the "end" of my day (around 7 pm), and when I did the final thing, the computer still would not boot up normally.

WITHOUT THINKING IT THROUGH....... I decided to tell (and DID tell) Dr. Pruitt that it DID work normally, that I had reverted to an earlier version of the OS.  The TRUTH is..... I was unable to revert to the earlier version, I think, and I was unable to boot up for some as yet unknown reason.

The Apple lady said, "if this doesn't work, then it's very likely a hardware issue" - and you'll have to take it to a store.

But, she added, if I do that, I should back it up before so doing.

I did not have, or take the time, to do the backup.

I DID NOT THINK IT THROUGH.

Had I THOUGHT IT THROUGH, I would have:

1.  Taken the time to back the computer up
2.  Told Dr. Pruitt that it's a hardware issue, and that we'll have to take it to an APPLE store.

THEN.... I would not be plagued with these thoughts of being a LIAR.

But no.... I did not do that.  I lied.

So now..... I should be getting ready for my Christmas vacation.  I wish I hadn't lied.

I WISH I HADN'T SPONTANEOUSLY LIED.

I don't know why I do that.  Perhaps it's a force of habit.

Perhaps it's just my nature.

But there's more.

Dr. Pruitt gave me a brochure about a 1-day workshop about the psychology of sex.  He thought I'd like to know that he's likely going to attend.  So I glanced over the brochure when I had the time, and thought, "Dr. Pruitt says I 'never read anything.'  I'd better read it in greater detail."  So I did.   And I could see all the kinky subjects, etc.  Then I put the brochure on his desk, and forgot about it.

Later, he was talking about other things, and picked up the brochure and asked me what I thought about it.  I replied, WITHOUT THINKING IT THROUGH....... again....... that I thought it should be a fun workshop, and I asked him which session he was planning on going to.  I asked this while thinking that he'd reply, "the kinky one, of course."  But no..... he again put me down by saying, "How could you be wondering which session I'm interested in?"

Uh-oh.  I blew it again.  "It's only a 1-day workshop.  There are no 'sessions'," he said.

I picked up the brochure and said, "I thought there were different sessions."  I showed him where, in the brochure, information made me think that.

"It's a 1-day workshop," he said definitely, and dropped the matter by turning to other things.

I felt, as I usually do with him, inadequate and marginalized.  But I dropped it, too.  And happily so.

Now..... why did I bother to detail this sex brochure discussion?  Because it points out the following:

1.  I HATE the relationship I now have with Dr. Pruitt, and I can't wait to leave his employ.
2.  I have some flaws, or inadequacies, which are:
     a.  I don't think things through before I interact with others.
     b.  I tend to lie to cover up my inadequacy.
     c.  I get impatient with someone (e.g. Dr. Pruitt) who gets impatient with me.

There's probably more I could write... but now that I've written the above, I feel more ready to get ready & leave for Christmas.

*sigh*

P.S.  I really do hope that today is DD DAY!!!!!  It will change everything.