20161219 MONDAY MORNING BLAHS

Rough weekend.

It was "rough" as far as my state of mind goes.

The "Ides of December" came and went.  BLAH.

I became depressed over that.  BLAH.

I didn't do my routine/affirmations (after doing 1/2 of the routine on Friday morning)..... until now, reasoning (or NOT reasoning, rather) that since David's Deal did not come as expected, I would now have to face the weekend with no news, and no money.

BLAH.

So I was depressed, and my thoughts turned to sex, which is fun temporarily, but usually leads to depression over my out-of-shape body and my age.  I set myself up with a local guy who asked for (and got) pics from me... and then didn't even say anything.  When I asked him to at least say "yea" or "nay,"  he did:  Nay.

I asked for it, so I shouldn't complain.  Perhaps he did me a favor by slapping me around until I realize that I'm not that handsome or desirable, like I was a few years back.

It could be a "message" from the Universe telling me to move on to mostly adult things, and to leave behind me more "boyhood" things.

And then.... there's other guys who don't judge, and who accept me as I am.

Lately, Ruben.  Andy (the Doctor), sui_generis, and the masseur (25, very cute).

So they all represent "boyhood" sexual things.  But I am not called upon, am I, to give up 100% of my childhood things?  No.

Until and unless my Creator/God communicates to me a message that I must change, I will not change.  Rather, I will enjoy.  This puts the responsibility on C/G.  I've had ENOUGH responsibility for searching for the truth in my lifetime.  I must "retire" from that, and enjoy my retirement.  I will do more fun things, and try to stay in shape while I do them.

And David's Deal?  I still hope for it, but I am now planning on PLAN B to take effect January 1st.

To review:

PAY CC off:  Withdraw $40K ($30K for CC debt, $10K to save for taxes, cushion, living expenses, etc.) from 401K

REFI AL House:  After CC debt is paid, apply for refi at WFB, 2 other banks, using Dr. P's job as source of income.  Decide, process refi..

WORK with Dr. Pruitt indefinitely.

Now, on to affirmations for today.

Later......

Affirmations done, and I feel slightly better (less BLAH).  But today is a new day, full of promise and forboding.

I don't know if/when David's Deal will come through, but at least I've thought through what I'll do IF.

PLAN A (i.e., David's Deal) - relax & enjoy life more.
PLAN B (i.e., cash in 401K) - continue TRYING to relax and enjoy life more.

So.....I said I'd evaluate how I am.... after I'd done my routine/affirmations for TODAY.

So..... I am not disposed to "catch up" the lost opportunity of the weekend.  But at least I will say this:  I plan on doing my routine/affirmations all this week, and will continue them into the weekend.  IN SPITE OF IT BEING A HOLIDAY WEEKEND!!!!!!!

OK??????

O&O, for now.