My thoughts as I did my daily affirmations:
They wandered quite a bit. But the most significant one was a teary-eyed almost helpless question to the Universe: "WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO LOSE???"
It was mostly in response to the fact that I must continue to wait for David's Deal - which might never come. I have hope that it will, but I've lost most of the hope I had 2 1/2 years ago when David first introduced me to the "dream come true" which I perceived (and still do, to an extent) would allow me to really LIVE MY LIFE MEANINGFULLY for my remaining days.
My mother sometimes said, when someone in her circles showed unprecedented wealth, "Oh, did you find a gold mine?" She was part joking, party sarcastic, part judgmental, I think. Her life was comfortable, but not "rich." So when the conversation turned to anything wealthier than she was, she'd make that comment.
I GUESS SHE DID. I'M NOT SURE.
But in any case, it's ironic that now I'm considering the possibility of a much "more comfortable" life than I've had heretofore, and I can just hear Mom saying, "Oh, did you find a gold mine?"
I'd like to say "yes, as a matter of fact, I have!"
But I just can't say that today.
DAMMIT.
WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO LOSE????????
Others are succeeding much more. Why can't I? Birds fly high. Why can't I?
WHY????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
DAMMIT.
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