ACCURACY DAY
BIOHACK ✔ ❌
- Brisk walk
- Dark chocolate
- Sit up straight
- Write w/left hand
- Blueberries
- New word
- →Visualize improved day: 2-meal day: 1) ; 2)
- White noise - 10 min
- Sniff to ￬ stress
- Write 1 thing grateful for
RECORD
- ✔Brisk walk (counting 1 mile walk to PO on Friday; I can still feel it in my legs!)
- ✔Dark chocolate
- ✔Sit up straight
- ✔Write w/left hand
- ✔Blueberries
- ✔New word: LEITMOTIF: a recurring theme throughout a musical or literary composition.
- →Visualize improved day: 2-meal day: 1)✔C+S ; 2)
- ✔White noise - 10 min
- ❌Sniff to ￬ stress: The American Lung Association says sniffing essential oils can be dangerous (respiratory aggravation)!!! NO MORE SNIFFING FOR ME!!!!
- ✔Write 1 thing grateful for: THE INTERNET, WHICH TOLD ME THE ABOVE INFORMATION ABOUT ESSENTIAL OILS.
**********
SILENCE
Tried to silence brain for 80 seconds; mild success.
LLL - BHL
Laugh. Love. Live.
Bless. Heal. Love.
AFFIRMATIONS
- I, Ken Taylor, am a kind and loving human being.
- I, Ken Taylor, am a kind and loving human being.
- I, Ken Taylor, am a kind and loving human being.
- I, Ken Taylor, am a kind and loving human being.
- I, Ken Taylor, am a kind and loving human being.
Also said aloud for 80 seconds.
- I, Ken Taylor, already have everything I need.
- I, Ken Taylor, already have everything I need.
- I, Ken Taylor, already have everything I need.
- I, Ken Taylor, already have everything I need.
- I, Ken Taylor, already have everything I need.
Also said aloud for 80 seconds.
- I, Ken Taylor, am a confident pianist.
- I, Ken Taylor, am a confident pianist.
- I, Ken Taylor, am a confident pianist.
- I, Ken Taylor, am a confident pianist.
- I, Ken Taylor, am a confident pianist.
Also said aloud for 80 seconds.
VISUALIZATION
201 Today's weight.
I visualize weighing less tomorrow.
EXERCISE
Did my 75% base-80 routine for Sunday, November 9, 2025:
- knuckle benders 80
- ankle/wrist circles 80
- toe/finger stretches 80
- bicycle crunches 60
- MADE BED; PIANO
- flamingo L60, R60
- shoulder rolls 60
- ball/wall 16
- angel/wall 16
- counter stretch 16
- squats 30
- push-ups 1 + 30 + 2
READING, WRITING
Read for 80 seconds in THE VELVETEEN FATHER by Jesse Green. Yesterday I considered abandoning this book due to the protracted and difficult (for me) style of Mr. Green; however, I will continue for now.
Reading "TWELVE" has caused me additional insight which often happens as I read almost anything. But this is about pathways through life as a gay man, and how he relates to his mother. I MUST record my new insights of today:
Green writes (on page 29): "He had let so much go. To be a gay man of his [Andy's] generation almost required you to let so much go. You let go of your purchase on a clear path in life, unless you chose instead to let go of your integrity. You let go of your entitlement to respect in the world. Now you began to let go of friends not even forty. And yet Andy had let go of even more, more than what the times and the accident of his orientation required. He'd let go of the priceless human assumption of perfectibility: that some part of what existed, or could exist, was unblemished and beautiful. No. The only thing real for Andy was what was broken, what required him."
This seems to fit me quite a lot. I "let go" of my purchase of a clear path in life: Mechanical Engineering, Architecture, an MBA, being a college French teacher. But for me, I tried desperately to cling to the straight Mormon male ideal. I was (am) male, but not really straight, nor was I really Mormon. So, I gave up my integrity. I suppose there was enough of "straightfulness" and "faithfulness" in me that I could wing it. In keeping THOSE aspects of my life, I stumbled into marriage and fatherhood, and stumbled out of both by the time I reached 35. I hurt Teresa (and her family), and I hurt my two children (by leaving the household). Feeling flawed, I distanced myself from all of them, except when I was with them on weekends or in summer.
So what did I, a gay man of my generation, give up? In a word: integrity.
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