My barber (Joe the Barber, down the street) and I chatted openly, and he asked me what I was doing with my free time, since I'm partially retired now.
I said, "I've been writing lately."
He said, "Poetry?"
Hmmm, I don't write poetry, but it's been in the back of my mind for many years, ever since 6th Grade when Mrs. Burgermeister asked us to write poems. I wrote one, and she said, "You'll have no problem with poetry."
And then years later, a psychic (!) told me that I should be a writer, and that I should write poetry.
I never have. Maybe I will.
Flaws. I now believe (not "know" but "believe") that for some unknown (to me) reason, I am plagued with a character flaw that so far has influenced my life for the worse in almost every important way. The flaw seems to be related to procrastination & laziness.
Qui bono (who benefits)? Ask this to see more clearly what is going on. Conspiracy?
I'm glad I'm a person who is relatively unknown. If I were a "celebrity" like John Oliver (I just listened to a YouTube video of his post-election HBO show), I'd have to know more, think things through more, and show up more often for work.
I guess I'm a serious fuckup, from day 1.
Well, it did make me feel better to get a haircut, and to do some laundry. So maybe there's hope.
I'm dreading working for David, and doing the same damn thing I've done almost all my career.
I've exercised for 2 days in a row, but doing such, I have not kept my diet (fruit & veggies 2 meals, anything for the 3rd). I'm doomed.
DUPED. Duped about myself (I thought I was smart). Duped about Mormonism (I thought it was true).
My writing sucks.
When Joseph Smith was killed, where was:
Carthage Jail
Joseph Smith 4 bullets, out window, died.
Hyrum Smith 4 bullets, one in face, died.
John Taylor 4 bullets, hid under bed
Willard Richards (300 lbs, NO WOUNDS, 1st cousin of Brigham Young, convinced JS to destroy the Nauvoo Expositor press, could have actually shot JS and/or HS, saved John Taylor from dying (possibly to secure his corroborating witness of the event), escaped to Nauvoo on horse, yelling "They killed him!", was he released? did he escape?)
Willard Richards wrote account of murder immediately; John Taylor waited decades to write his, upon being compelled to do so by Wilford Woodruff.
Boston
Brigham Young
Wilford Woodruff (a dupe? didn't know about the murder?)
Interim period between death of JS & BY's succession: years? months? Ans: debate took place more than a month after deaths. Brothers: Hyrum, Samuel, William (volatile). Son: JS III (was quite young).
Samuel starts to become the successor in Nauvoo..... but soon mysteriously falls ill. A Danite (Hosea Stout) is there giving him white powder night and day, till he died 1 month later.
All the above makes me sad. I am the DUPE.
I'm so confused about history, and the meaning of life...... I don't know where to turn for anything.
KUSC radio - listening to Classical music. Their website gives me all the music (names, composers, etc) on a schedule, which begins early today, and goes into tonight, EXCEPT for the music playing right now!
AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
How does this happen????????? When I want something, the Universe teases me with "here it is" and then it's NOT THERE.
My life is fucked.
At least I'm having a (small) piece of chocolate cake (very fresh) and a glass of cold milk. That's not on my diet, but I'm indulging myself, and so be it.
Tomorrow I'll do my exercises again.
Oh, and Dr. Pruitt called me from his cell phone, but hung up without leaving a message. So I called him back - voice mail. So I tried his home number, he answered. I told him I was worried. He was back from the hospital, but not able to use his cell very well. Anyway, his mood was positive & upbeat, in spite of all the troubles we're having. He said his edema was what put his father in the hospital (from which he never returned), being diagnosed with "heart failure." So Dr. Pruitt's doctor also mentioned "heart failure" - but he's running tests & will convey the results soon.
Meanwhile, I feel better he's ok, and that he could talk to me nicely.
And, KUSC's music is also making me feel better.
Later:
As I listen to a podcast about CS Lewis, who wrote, and the knowledge he had and from which he drew to write all his writing, was comprised of the learning he had experienced in his early years. The knowledge fascinated him, and stuck with him.
WHY THE HELL DID NOTHING STICK WITH MMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE???????????????
Nothing stayed with me - nothing of import when I needed it.
Later:
As I listen to a podcast about CS Lewis, who wrote, and the knowledge he had and from which he drew to write all his writing, was comprised of the learning he had experienced in his early years. The knowledge fascinated him, and stuck with him.
WHY THE HELL DID NOTHING STICK WITH MMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE???????????????
Nothing stayed with me - nothing of import when I needed it.
No comments:
Post a Comment