Today I watched the movie "Handsome Devil" and the theme of it was how young school rugby players learned, thanks to 2 gay boys, not to speak in a borrowed voice.
Well, I'm weeping over it. I've spoken in a "borrowed voice" for most of my life.
When I came out (after bring kicked out of the LDS church), I began to be myself, and to discover who I am, But the process is still ongoing.
And so.
I'm trying to make some sense of it.
I mean, have I come out? TO everyone? Well, maybe not, and maybe it's not necessary, since.... "if they want to know, they can ask me. And I'll tell them the truth."
But what if I'd come out to Guide Technologies.... would things have been different for me?
I came out to David Timpson when I was 21. He already sensed that I was gay, but supported my using "a borrowed voice" then, staying Mormon, getting married, etc.
He's not to blame, but I wish he'd have said to me then, "You should follow your true self."
So..... I got married anyway, had 2 kids, and now things are different.
But through it all, I'm still trying to NOT SPEAK IN A BORROWED VOICE.
Still trying.
*sigh*
No comments:
Post a Comment